HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT CARE FOR YOUR AGING PARENT
When you find yourself with an elderly parent who can no longer care for him or herself you are suddenly faced with the big question: what am I going to do with Mom? No one is prepared no matter how much we hear about it from friends or in the press. It keeps you up at night with worry. So what do you do? How do you go about finding the solution that is right for Mom?
The first thing is to stop panicking and realize that you do have to do something. There are many reasons why Mom cannot be left alone now: she could fall; she goes out and gets lost; she forgets her medications; she doesn’t eat; she can’t walk by herself; she has suddenly become bedridden. The list goes on. You must act. Realize that whatever you decide on, it will probably be unpopular with Mom and you will be the one taking the flack. Take a deep breath. If you are lucky enough to have siblings who will contribute that’s great and makes it a little easier.
It is a good idea to research your options before you jump into anything. The options are not that many: you can hire a full-time caregiver (bear in mind that there will be times when the caregiver won’t be there and you will have to take over); Mom can move in with you (this option puts a strain on you and your family and, as in the previous option, you can’t be there all the time); you can choose a residential care facility (most unpopular with Mom but could be the best choice. Could be expensive). Most of all remember whatever you choose is not written in stone. If it isn’t working out, you can change it.
By all means ask around. Talk to your friends and neighbors. Seek professional advice. There are many agencies which will help you locate a facility or in-home care. At all costs remember that you know Mom best and DO NOT be railroaded into a choice that your gut tells you is wrong. All the credentials in the world do not replace your relationship and history with Mom. Listen to your heart and you will instinctively do the right thing.
Do not feel guilty. Aging and all the ramifications come along for everyone. Your job is to see to it that Mom is cared for and is safe. That’s all you can realistically do. Take another deep breath and make the decision. Monitor the situation constantly and you will find that your restless worrying nights get fewer. You have been a responsible child and that is all you can do. Just remember, no matter what you do, Mom will complain about it. That’s how it is.
This is a difficult time for everyone. It is hard watching a parent age and deteriorate. The rolls change and suddenly you are the responsible one. There is a lot of frustration brought on by the situation and this causes stress on the family. Your parent will act out of fear because it is a scary time of life. Losing independence and the resulting change of lifestyle can manifest as anger and resentment or the opposite, withdrawal. You are not alone. There are many other people in your situation – right now!
I am the author of “Finding the Bloom of the Cactus Generation: Improving the Quality of Life for Seniors”. This book is a personal story about aging and care. If you are stuck, I am available for one-on-one coaching sessions. It won’t take many and you will feel better. Please visit my website: www.cactusgeneration.com . Download the resource section to locate local agencies. You can also download the book or order a printed copy.
