654 days ago · Link to this.
Many families have parents or grandparents who are getting older and quite suddenly can’t manage on their own. After Jane’s mom had a fall and broke her hip she seemed to age and was a little disorientated. Jane knew her mom could no longer live alone. Jane lived too far away from her mother to oversee her daily activities. Now her mom is settled in her new home where all her needs are met. Help is at hand round-the-clock. She is reminded to take her medications. She is eating wholesome meals prepared for her and she is even making new friends. At last Jane can breathe easily and sleep at night knowing that her mom is well cared for.
The change in circumstances came about suddenly and without warning. Jane’s mom would need on-going care and organizing it looked daunting. If you are in a situation like Jane’s you will make the process easier on yourself by using these steps.
Step 1: Don’t Panic. Take a deep breath.
You are not the only one in this situation and no one is ever ready. Try as we might we are not prepared for our parents becoming incapacitated. If you calm down and stop wringing your hands you will have a better chance of dealing with the situation. The sooner you accept that this is a responsibility you will have to take on the better off you will be.
Step 2: Make Arrangements to Visit
Yes, in order to arrange for appropriate care for your parent you will have to be there. Plan on staying at least a week. It may take longer. If you have siblings encourage one of them to come as well. Too many people trying to make this decision can make it more difficult so if there are four or five of you it might be wise if some of them came to visit later or came for a day or two and went home.
Step 3: Research Local Agencies
Before you leave do an internet search for agencies in the area. Try terms like: in home care, care facilities, board and care, nursing homes, assisted living. What you are looking for depends on the level of care that will be needed.
Step 4: Develop Strategies
Your parent will not willingly move to an assisted living facility. He or she wants to stay at home. Equally the parent will not happily accept someone coming into the home to help. There are privacy issues not to mention change of lifestyle. Yet you can see these changes are necessary and it becomes your job to implement them to the satisfaction of your parent. How?
If the home is suitable for home help, that may be the best solution. It should be single story and there will need to be alterations to the bathroom.
If the home is not suitable you will have done your research on assisted living facilities and board-and-care facilities. Board-and-care facilities are independently run, are smaller and can be more “homey” and less expensive. Be sure the board-and-care facilities have licenses and ask for references.
You must visit all candidates before making a decision. Try to imagine yourself living there. If it doesn’t look like a good fit reject it. There will be something else. You may have to broaden your horizons.
Finally you will have to confront your parent with the options. Be sure to remain calm. Your parent will be agitated enough for both of you. Do not present it as a “done deal” at first. Build up to it over a series of visits. If there is dementia or other cognitive impairment you will use other means of communication such as touch.
Be firm in your resolve that this will turn out just fine.
Maggie Walters, Founder of Coaching for Family Living, helps families with aging parents develop strategies to manage the frustrations and stress brought on by their parents’ sudden need for care. Read her book, Finding the Bloom of the Cactus Generation: Improving the Quality of Life for Seniors and discover how to find avenues of communication and ease the tensions. Buy it now at www.cactusgeneration.com.
657 days ago · Link to this.
When you find yourself with an elderly parent who can no longer care for him or herself you are suddenly faced with the big question: what am I going to do with Mom? No one is prepared no matter how much we hear about it from friends or in the press. It keeps you up at night with worry. So what do you do? How do you go about finding the solution that is right for Mom?
The first thing is to stop panicking and realize that you do have to do something. There are many reasons why Mom cannot be left alone now: she could fall; she goes out and gets lost; she forgets her medications; she doesn’t eat; she can’t walk by herself; she has suddenly become bedridden. The list goes on. You must act. Realize that whatever you decide on, it will probably be unpopular with Mom and you will be the one taking the flack. Take a deep breath. If you are lucky enough to have siblings who will contribute that’s great and makes it a little easier.
It is a good idea to research your options before you jump into anything. The options are not that many: you can hire a full-time caregiver (bear in mind that there will be times when the caregiver won’t be there and you will have to take over); Mom can move in with you (this option puts a strain on you and your family and, as in the previous option, you can’t be there all the time); you can choose a residential care facility (most unpopular with Mom but could be the best choice. Could be expensive). Most of all remember whatever you choose is not written in stone. If it isn’t working out, you can change it.
By all means ask around. Talk to your friends and neighbors. Seek professional advice. There are many agencies which will help you locate a facility or in-home care. At all costs remember that you know Mom best and DO NOT be railroaded into a choice that your gut tells you is wrong. All the credentials in the world do not replace your relationship and history with Mom. Listen to your heart and you will instinctively do the right thing.
Do not feel guilty. Aging and all the ramifications come along for everyone. Your job is to see to it that Mom is cared for and is safe. That’s all you can realistically do. Take another deep breath and make the decision. Monitor the situation constantly and you will find that your restless worrying nights get fewer. You have been a responsible child and that is all you can do. Just remember, no matter what you do, Mom will complain about it. That’s how it is.
This is a difficult time for everyone. It is hard watching a parent age and deteriorate. The rolls change and suddenly you are the responsible one. There is a lot of frustration brought on by the situation and this causes stress on the family. Your parent will act out of fear because it is a scary time of life. Losing independence and the resulting change of lifestyle can manifest as anger and resentment or the opposite, withdrawal. You are not alone. There are many other people in your situation – right now!
I am the author of “Finding the Bloom of the Cactus Generation: Improving the Quality of Life for Seniors”. This book is a personal story about aging and care. If you are stuck, I am available for one-on-one coaching sessions. It won’t take many and you will feel better. Please visit my website: www.cactusgeneration.com . Download the resource section to locate local agencies. You can also download the book or order a printed copy.
678 days ago · Link to this.
We all have family members who become a cause for concern. There are different levels of difficulty and as age progresses so do the problems. How do these problems affect you mom or dad has a direct correlation to how they also affect you. For a recent story go the August 22, 2008 posting on http://agingfamily.blogspot.com This may be you!
930 days ago · Link to this.
Reviewer’s Choice
Finding The Bloom Of The Cactus Generation
Maggie Walters
LifeSuccess Publishing
8900 East Pinnacle Peak Road, Suite D240, Scottsdale, AZ 85255
Barrett Company Communications (publicity)
9781599300115, $17.95 www.cactusgeneration.com cbarrett@thebarrettco.com
In “Finding The Bloom Of The Cactus Generation: Improving The Quality Of Life For Seniors”, author Maggie Walters draws upon her many years of training, experience, and expertise working with very elderly patients in nursing homes and assisted living facilities (most of whom suffered from serious mental and/or physical ailments) to offer nursing home staff and concerned family members with an instructive introduction to how to best maximize the quality of a resident’s physical and mental well being through gentle massage, patient listening, and a variety of alternative therapies. Now that the baby boom generation is approaching retirement, the need for the kind of insights and understanding that Maggie Walters has to offer makes “Finding The Bloom Of The Cactus Generation” exceptionally important and timely reading — especially for nursing home and assisted living facility caregivers, as well as the non-specialist general reader with concerns over how best to help an aging parent enjoy life to the best extent possible for them.
1134 days ago · Link to this.
AARP recently published an article extolling the possible virtues of a new breed of drugs to combat Alzheimer’s Disease. Under the names of Fleuzan and Alzmehd, these new drugs are two of a dozen or more which elicit an immune system response to beta-amaloyd plaquea as opposed to the inhibitors such as Aracept which have also seen some success in reducing symptoms. Bottom line: don’t get too excited! Every person is different and responds in his/her own way to medication or any other therapy that might come along.
Remember to touch your AD sufferer. Human touch is a powerful means of communication and support. Stay in touch! Stay connected!
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